I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
