Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
