She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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