I want to have your abortion
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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