The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
