We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
