Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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