I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dicks are not precious.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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