Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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