he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
