he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
