Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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