In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
