i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
