More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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