whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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