i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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