Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
