If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
