that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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