OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
