Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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