just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
