I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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