sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
