It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
