Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
