Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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