Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
