My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
