Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
