Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
