11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is Oprah even human
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
