He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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