well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
