just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
