You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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