Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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