jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a hot homeless man
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
