I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
