Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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