Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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