just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
