My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
