im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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