Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
nutella sex= disaster
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
