Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sext me about skeletons
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
