Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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