Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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