I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
