This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
