Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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