i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
