the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
