I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
