i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
