Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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