he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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