youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
